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Whitetail deer are marvelous creatures. Hungry, too. And prolific. Momma
deer has twins when she eats your garden, your shrubs, your flowers and
the low-hanging leaves of your trees. The well-fed Bettendorf deer are
multiplying and dividing like, well, like whitetail deer, Momma and her two
hungry deer fawns.

So the City Council, the Mommas and Poppas who run Bettendorf, decided
to thin the herd. They decided that "free" would be a good price so they
asked the bow-and-arrow crowd, "Would you like some Bambi-burgers and
Bambi-sausage?" The hungry archers answered "Can we have two or
three?" The savages also agreed to buy hunting licences with their own
money, the hungry carnivores, and proceeded to take a big bite out of the
Bambi population in Bettendorf.

But wait! "Shooting the deer with an arrow is cruel and unusual!" cried a
group of Bettendorfers. "Our children might see this, and the nasty hunters
are hanging around our neighborhoods.They might shoot US, or one of our
PUPPIES! And they are scary! And they are invading our PRIVACY!"

So the Mommas and Poppas of the City Council have formed a study
committee.

A gentle suggestion for the study committee.

The lovers of their privacy must, by a new city ordinance, maintain on their
property a bushel basket of shelled corn.The cruel hunters will never again
be allowed to invade their privacy, but we still have hungry whitetail deer
searching for food. That food is to be provided by those who object to the
hunt and love their privacy. The bushel basket filled with shelled corn must
be checked daily to ensure the deer have plenty to eat without searching all
over town. The deer will just hang out in those neighborhoods and chow
down. Problem solved.

Deer happy and well fed. Privacy respected. Neighborhood quiet, no arrows
whizzing around.

Of course, in ten years or so, those privacy loving neighborhoods will have
two or three thousand deer visiting those corn filled baskets every day.
Might be a bit of work to keep the baskets filled, but the city ordinance be
easily enforced with a two or three thousand dollar fine for non-compliance.

The problem of deer droppings might be a bit difficult at first, training the
neighborhoods to pick up after deer. We might even have to copy the
"pooper scooper" law for dogs, and make it effective for deer in your yard.

A major plus would be the tourist season during the deer rut in the fall.
Tourists would come from miles around to watch the hundreds of bucks
fighting, and gawk at the thousands of lady deer bunched up awaiting the
outcome. Think of the tourist dollars.

You know, we really ought to ban the hunting crowd. Growing flowers,
especially hostas, has always been too much work.

copyright 2009 Jim Fisher / Rights to publish: GetYourGoodNews.Com