GetYourGoodNews/AskAGayGuy

I am a younger guy attracted to older men. I have been dating a guy
who is twice my age for a few months, and I have strong feelings for
him. I think it is love. He tells me he loves me. The only problem is
he is kind of controlling. We met online, and he deleted my profile
there. He has also "suggested" that I am not to talk to any of the
other men I have made friends with on that site. He has also asked
me to move in with him, but I am not sure. Some of my friends have
told me that I should dump him, but I think I love him. What should I
do?
Max in Maywood

Dear Max,
I am going to side with your friends on this one. My gut reaction is to tell
you to run, not walk in the other direction. I spoke to a good friend of mine
who is a psychologist about your situation, and her advice was the same.
Here is what will happen, based on personal experience: First he takes
down your profile. Then he tells you you are not allowed to be friends with
any other guy who he perceives as a threat to him. Then that will turn into
any friend who encourages you to stand up for yourself. Got a family
member who doesn't like him? They will be gone. He has a classic abusive
personality. He will isolate you from your friends until you become totally
dependent on him. Then if you step out of line? Well let's hope it doesn't get
to that point. You are better off without someone like that in your life. There
are a a million other guys out there who will treat you the way you should
be treated. You should dump this guy and find one of them. I wish you the
best! Keep me posted.

How do I get my husband to dress more "expensive wine bar" and
less "college sports bar" ?
Livid in Long Grove

Dear Livid:
First off, adjust your expectations. Are you talking 24/7? Then good luck!
Straight guys (and a lot of gay guys-you'd be surprised!) go for comfort first
and fashion second. Sweats and T-shirts are comfortable, so guys gravitate
towards them. Now if you are talking about going out, that is where you can
put your perfect Manolo Blahnik-clad foot down. Tell him what you would
like to see him wear when you go out. Give up the idea of the home front,
because you won't win. I had a friend who withheld sex from her husband to
get him to take out the trash. He just took matters into his own hand.
Literally. Guys can handle (pun intended) that themselves if need be.
If he refuses to dress appropriately when you go out, start planning nights
out without him. Tell him why. Guys tend to get it when you act a little
agressively passive/aggressive with them. Also tell him how nice he looks
when he does dress up.
If nothing else works, threaten him. Cut out articles from the newspaper like
"Lorena Bobbit: Where is She Now?" Or shack up with a nice lipstick
lesbian. They dress nicely!

Why do so many gay guys like Judy Garland, Barbra
Streisand, Madonna and Cher? I know a lot of straight people
like them too, but they really have a big following in the
gay community. Why is that?

One of the most common stereotypes about gay men is that they all love
Judy, Barbra, Cher, and Madonna . Not to mention Bette, Aretha, Mariah,
Whitney, Cyndi, etc. Like most stereotypes, this one is rooted in reality.
But why so many women? I think it depends on the woman. Many gay
guys are attracted to blowsy, larger than life women. Women who are
strong and own their sexuality, something that most gay men do not get to
do until they come out of the closet.
Divas love gay men, because they are some of the most loyal fans out
there. Gay guys will stick with you through your drug addiction, Sex books,
and even Glitter. I think part of that is so that we can be smug when a diva
comes out with a “Believe” or “Hung Up” Let’s face it, gays are smarter than
straights. We know that there will always be a comeback. Whether it’s
welcome or not. I am talking to you, Mariah Carey.
Judy Garland is forever tied to gay history. Many gay men were fans of Judy
having seen her in The Wizard Of Oz as a young gay boy. When she died
in June of 1969, many gay men were overcome with sadness. A couple
nights after her funeral police raided a gay bar in New York City’s
Greenwich Village called the Stonewall Inn. The clientele fought back and
rioted, and the modern gay rights movement had begun. Many people to
this day credit sadness over Judy’s death to ‘having had enough’.

Why do gay men and lesbians not get along?

Because lesbians are humorless, man-hating creatures that would sooner
emasculate a man than get to know one. I AM KIDDING!!!! Nothing but love
for my Sapphic Sisters! But seriously, all the time you hear that lesbians
hate men. Why do lesbians hate men? They don’t have t sleep with them!
What could they possibly know about hate? All kidding aside, I think it’s a
misperception about the animosity between gays and lesbians. I know quite
a few lesbians and they are for the most part kind and generous people with
hearts of gold. Just like gay men. I’m reminded of a joke:
What do lesbians bring on a second date? A U-Haul.
What do gay men bring on a second date? What second date?

Got questions? I know you do! Send your questions about any damn gay
thing you want to jeff@jefflassiter.com

PREVIOUS COLUMN:

Hi,

I am a 25 year old str8 female who is having an issue with my bf. I think he
might be...gay. He is a really great bf. Kind, nurturing, great in bed, and
always talks about having ten kids with me. We have lived together for two
years. Lately though, little things have been setting off alarms in my head.
He sings showtunes around the apartment. He dresses really well. He likes
Britney and Barbra Streisand. Is my gaydar faulty?

Could-be Hag in Colona

Dear Could-Be:

It's a common stereotype that only gay men like Barbra Streisand and
Britney. The same applies to Cher, Madonna and Dolly Parton. Kinda. It's
also a misperception that all gay men are snappy dressers who fall out of
bed looking like Tim Gunn on his way to high tea with a queen. Or THE
Queen, whatever... Not all gay men love showtunes, use product, or care
what Martha Stewart has to say.

There are MANY MANY homos who dress for comfort, drive trucks and
listen to country music. They don't use hair product, listen to dance music,
or watch Oprah. And no, I am not talking about lesbians. (It's a JOKE! I love
lesbians!) I think the problem you're having with your boyfriend and your
gaydar can be traced back a few years, when the whole metrosexual thing
allowed straight guys to start feeling their feeling and highlighting their hair.

Now don't get me wrong, I am a big proponent of expressing yourself in
whatever form you choose, as long as you aren't hurting anyone. Some
might argue that metros aren't hurting anyone. Those people clearly have
never spent two hours in a bar talking to a hot guy with impeccable taste in
clothes, sipping a dirty martini and talking about which hairspray holds up
better on a windy day. Then meeting his girlfriend who was meeting him
there.

So yeah...your bf is probably NOT a homosexual. As long as he treats you
well, is a good provider, and you can account for his whereabouts 24 hours
a day, I think you guys will live happily ever after!

Hi,

I am a 29 year old gay male. I live in a major city and go out almost every
weekend. I am a very attractive man and rarely have a problem attracting
the same. The only problem is, most of the guys I meet are your garden
variety Aberzombies. They are very concerned with keeping up
appearances and always having the latest everything. I am a pretty low-key
guy. I know I'm good looking, but I don't dwell on it. I dress pretty normal
(jeans, tshirts) and don't consider myself trendy. I am mostly attracted to
beefy guys, be they muscular or chubby. Whenever I go up to a guy like
that in a bar, they rarely take me seriously. One guy this past weekend
looked at me and said "Nice try. Go back to your friends, joke's over." I
tried to explain I really did find him atttractive, but he didn't believe me. How
do I meet a nice guy who will take me (and our relationship) seriously?

Signed,
Sexy in the City

Dear Sexy:

You didn't say what kind of bars you were going to to meet guys, but if
you're going to the hippest, trendiest place in town week after week, you
might want to try broadening your range a bit. Like any group, the LGBTQ
community likes to sometimes ghettoize itself. That's why in a
metropolitain area, there are usually different bars with different labels. 'Bear
bar'...'Twink bar'...'S&M bar' (That's Stand & Model, folks) You get the point.
Try a different bar once in a while. If you like chubby guys, find out what bar
they frequent and go there. See a guy you like? Buy him a drink. Be direct.
Compliment him on something he's wearing.

Be prepared though. A lot of beefier guys have a chip on their shoulder
about other guys. (As do a lot of twinks, as do a lot of every type of guy)
This has nothing to do with you, it's just that feeling of rejection certain
guys are used to. We all have our hang-ups. You just have to deal with
them, and if a guy seems cool, work harder to overcome them. Regardless
on what the guy last weekend had encountered in the past, there is no
excuse for rudeness. But what to do? Not everyone was raised as well as
us!

And also, keep in mind that not every guy will be attracted to you,
regardless of how good looking you are. Some guys just have different
types. It isn't a reflection on you, it's just the way the world is. The
emphasis on appearance in gay culture is a double-edged sword, and
sometimes the guys with the face of an angel and the body of a god get
passed over for a different model.

copyright 2009 Jeff Lassiter/ for GetYourGoodNews.Com